Thought of the day Feb 29

Today is Friday, February 29, 2008. Yesterday was Thursday; remember what I said about Thursday? Well I’ll tell how things went on Thursday.

I finally meet Geremy. We had pizza for lunch, then, we went to Multiplaza del Este to watch a movie but all of them were after 2:00 and it was just 1:00. That’s why we decided to go somewhere else. He took me to a place near Escazú; once there, we kissed and touched each other. Of course I did my thing; but he was driving because if we parked someone could get there. Finally, we went into a motel…

Once there, we started playing on the bed. We took our clothes off very slowly. We kissed such lunatics! He went down kissing every inch of my body, I did the same on him. But things turned hotter…

He asked me if I was ready for being fucked, I told him: “Yes, I guess I am…” on that moment I was totally frightened, I had no idea about what was coming. He did it very gently, what the pain was too much for me. I asked him to take it out. Instead, I tried to fuck him. I have to say that I actually enjoyed fucking him, but then he tried again. It isn’t as funny as in porno! It’s actually very painful, I felt nothing but pain: no excitement, no fun. Well, I couldn’t have made him paid for the lunch and the motel without giving him some of me. Now, I realize I’d better had paid for the pizza…

But, I haven’t told the worst part of all of this (Maybe the only one). I know I should have never done it, but what can I do now? Here I go: We didn’t use rubbers. That’s it, as written. Last night I didn’t have dinner because I offered it to God (How can I get God into this?) hoping He gets me out of risk, I’m so scared of any disease. My head is a mess! I can’t think of any other idea. I know VIH is detected after six months of contracted. I don’t know what to do; I can’t even talk to anybody because I neither can tell I’m gay.

I’m just praying. It’s the only thing I can do, and also the most powerful. Oh my God. Please, help me! I know I’ve been such bad sons, but, please, help me! I will also offer my favorite TV program: Charmed. Please my Lord, help me! Take me out of all this!

Second Thought February 22nd

Today is Friday, February 22nd. I’m trying to finish the homework I didn’t present last Monday. Things are getting better, I mean, today I chatted with Geremy. We decided to meet on Thursday, He invited me to join him to the beach, I really want to go to the beach but, how would I explain that to my parents? The most of time I feel like I’m still a young boy who has to ask his parents for everything. It really annoys me when they start the interrogatory just because I’m some minutes late. Geremy might think I’m so immature, maybe he’s right. On the other hand, how would I go to the beach with someone who I don’t really know? That’s senseless.

Nevertheless, tomorrow night I’ll hang out with Kryss. I just hope I don’t get drunk, that would cause me a lot of troubles. Anyway, I’ll take those tequilas. Oh, if you wonder about the trip to Melisa’s, my parents cancelled it because there is no money. That was my opportunity to suntan, I’m losing the color.

Talking about money, I have to think how I will spend what I have. I’ll buy a cell-phone, a really cheap and “technoless” one. It will cost twenty-six thousand colones. To finish today’s Thought of the day, I keep waiting for Thursday (I’ll have sex that day). Finally I’ll have those tequilas!