Today is Monday, May 26th. Guess what? I’m living in my apartment; and I haven’t got drunk! (I actually don’t know if that’s good at all). I can feel free of wearing boxers in my room and don’t expect someone knocking on the door. Well, to be honest, this is not that awesome. I mean, I’m not at home. I have some more liberty but, what I’m really worried about is money, it won’t probably be enough… that freaks me out.
I don’t’ know what to write… hey, I have to tell something. I already told Geremy that I need to talk with him. This is because I decided that I can’t continue with that show. I don’t feel in love with him, I just wanted some sex (I didn’t even like it). I just think of him when I have nothing else to think about, when I’m alone or when it’s been a while since the last time that I played with my dick. Once my dick has played, all those ‘feelings’ are gone away; then, I’m gonna tell him what I feel (or what I don’t?) and ask him if he is really in love with me or he just wants some hard sex. If he just wants sex, it would turn thing a little easier; if he really loves me, I could have some troubles saying him that we should stop dating.
Last week we decided to meet on Sunday, but he wasn’t sure if he could do it, that morning he sent me a message saying that he couldn’t meet me. We haven’t talked since that. Today I sent him a message, but I didn’t got an answer. I don’t know if he is mad at me because of the talking thing. Anyway, I need to talk with him about that; because it’s not fair that every time he tries to date me I say no; I owe him an explanation…
I guess I just spent the whole month thinking what should I do with the gay stuff; but I still have no answer… My mind is a mess. Sometimes I feel like I wanna scream out that I like boys and girls as well; but it scares me so mucho, especially now that I’m living with other two men. And, on the other hand, my religious beliefs reject homosexual feelings, not to say relationships. For tonight, I’ll try to sleep…
I don’t’ know what to write… hey, I have to tell something. I already told Geremy that I need to talk with him. This is because I decided that I can’t continue with that show. I don’t feel in love with him, I just wanted some sex (I didn’t even like it). I just think of him when I have nothing else to think about, when I’m alone or when it’s been a while since the last time that I played with my dick. Once my dick has played, all those ‘feelings’ are gone away; then, I’m gonna tell him what I feel (or what I don’t?) and ask him if he is really in love with me or he just wants some hard sex. If he just wants sex, it would turn thing a little easier; if he really loves me, I could have some troubles saying him that we should stop dating.
Last week we decided to meet on Sunday, but he wasn’t sure if he could do it, that morning he sent me a message saying that he couldn’t meet me. We haven’t talked since that. Today I sent him a message, but I didn’t got an answer. I don’t know if he is mad at me because of the talking thing. Anyway, I need to talk with him about that; because it’s not fair that every time he tries to date me I say no; I owe him an explanation…
I guess I just spent the whole month thinking what should I do with the gay stuff; but I still have no answer… My mind is a mess. Sometimes I feel like I wanna scream out that I like boys and girls as well; but it scares me so mucho, especially now that I’m living with other two men. And, on the other hand, my religious beliefs reject homosexual feelings, not to say relationships. For tonight, I’ll try to sleep…
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